To See if I’m Smiling! (Lirot im ani Mehayehet)

Tamar Yarom, Israel 2007,

59 min, Digibeta, OmeU

 

Der Film »To See if I’m Smiling« ist eine dokumentarische Arbeit über junge Frauen, die in der israelischen Armee ihren Dienst taten. Was sie hier erlebt haben, hat sie zutiefst geprägt und verändert, hat ihre Träume und ihre Hoffnungen auf ein gerechtes Leben zerstört, hat sie zu traurigen, teils zynischen, verletzten Erwachsenen gemacht. In eindrücklichen, sehr intimen und bewegenden Interviews zeigt der Film wie die tägliche, kriegerische Auseinandersetzung die Frauen auch Monate, Jahre später nicht loslässt.

 

 

Director's Statement:

 

In 1988 I was drafted to the Israeli army. I was 18 years old, eager to do my duty and serve my country. During my service I was sent to the Occupied Territories. I entered a world with different rules and different moral codes where there values I was brought up with did not apply. Suddenly I was one of the occupiers, one of the bad guys.

 

In this film I talk to six other female soldiers who served in the Occupied Territories. They tell their story for the first time. The memories they are most ashamed of and wish to forget are recorded on film for everyone to see, judge and criticize. It took me four years to find these women who were brave enough to participate in this film.

 

It is something they chose to do knowing it will not erase their past and would not relieve their guilt. But it was their opportunity to do, this time, the responsible thing. For the girls participating in the film as for myself this film is our political act. It is our cry for a change.

 

We have learnt a painful lesson about ourselves, and we chose to share it believing out experiences have a value for anyone who strives to live a moral life.